| sofia sanchez -- hathor, goddess of joy |
[June 24 2020 / 10:45pm] |
What you are doing is screwing things up inside my head,
You should know better you never listened to a word I said,
Clutching your pillow and writhing in a naked sweat,
Hoping somebody someday will do you like I did.
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| 14th February, 2009. 12: 31 PM. [CHICAGO] |
[February 14 2010 / 03:53pm] |
[block; close friends]I have a large tub of ice cream and a stack of movies. Pretty woman is, of course, first and I have a couple of new ones too. 27 Dresses (how pretty is Katherine Heigl?) and My Sister's Keeper. It's going to be a good day.
I hate Valentine's day. [/block]
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| 30th January, 2010. 11:29 am. [NYC] |
[January 30 2010 / 04:23pm] |
[block; private]I think I want a baby. No, I know I want a baby. I've been thinking about it for a while now. I was one of those girls who always had a plan and when me and Thomas got engaged I thought we'd have children by now. Yet here I am, alone and just... wasting time. Why do I need to wait? It isn't like I can't provide for a child, money will never be something I need and I've not even looked at my trust for a long, long time.
It's kind of a big step though. A baby. Can I do it? Maybe I should start looking into adoption? I've always wanted to experience it though, carrying a child, seeing myself in them. I'd like to adopt at some point but I want something which is mine. IS that selfish? [/block]I think I miss New York.
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| 31st December, 2009. [NYC] |
[December 31 2009 / 10:38pm] |
I'm GETTING READY FOR NEW YEARS! Who is excited? I'm EXCITED. Which is ridiculous because I've done this for 24 years so it isn't like it's something new or anything. I've decided 2010 is going to be a good year. A very good year. It has to be because I'm not sure if I can deal with any more. With the new shop opening up shortly and it not hurting so much when I think about him just... everything. It's going to be a good year. I'm promising myself that. I need to move on and focus on myself. I need to be happy because I deserve it. God, do I bloody well deserve it.I have a sexy little dress and I've got my hair done and my nails and I'm having a good time tonight and it's all going to be awesome. [Elle]Elle, baby, what are you wearing tonight? how hard is it to take off? [/block] |
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| 26th October, 2009. 8:36 PM. [CHICAGO] |
[October 27 2009 / 12:34am] |
[Jules]I did something stupid.
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| 6th October, 2009. 3:10 PM. [CHICAGO] |
[October 06 2009 / 08:33pm] |
Did you know it's cotillion season? Or it is for my mother's circle. I've just received the invitation. I'm not sure why she's still torturing me. I remember mine. It was... awful. Thomas was helpful against my mother though.
The worst thing about these is that everyone keeps trying to set me up with people. It's amazing how many cousins people have or young uncles or brothers or friends of friends. Either way I've decided this time I'm going to create an elaborate fake boyfriend. He's called Dean (do you think going for the last name Winchester would be too far?) and he's a... lawyer from Chicago. What do you think? Might stop mother's comments about how I'm still alone and not going down this route.
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| 23rd September, 2009. 2:04 PM. [CHICAGO] |
[September 23 2009 / 08:01pm] |
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As much as I cannot wait to have a baby this is such a do not want. It's a good job she had a c-section or she'd never feel anything down there again. That'd really suck.
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| Monday, 14th September, 2009. 1:23 PM. |
[September 14 2009 / 06:34pm] |
Because T-swizzle will always be more gangsta!
[block; close friends can read]Thomas is on the journals. He lied about his name to get me to talk to him. [/block]
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| 5th September, 2009. 11:56 AM. [NYC] BACKDATED. |
[September 06 2009 / 04:14pm] |
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Just wanted to let you all know I'm in New York for a couple of days but I wanted to say thank you to everyone who offered to fly over and be with me. I really appreciate it and I love you all. Now I'm going back to Elle.
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| Friday, 4th September, 2009. 9:56 PM. [CHICAGO] |
[September 04 2009 / 07:10pm] |
[blocked private; close friends can read.]Thomas is in Chicago. In chicago. I saw him today, bumped into him quite literally, I have the damn bruises to show for it. I may have kneed him and it may have felt really good.
He's here for his dad. I hate him, I really, really hate him. I wish that was true.
It was such a good day. My lawyer had rang to tell me the shop is going through well and it'll soon be mine and then... there he was.
It's been four years, it shouldn't still hurt like it was yesterday. I shouldn't still care but I do because I've come to realise my life is soaked with him. My mother won't let up about him, I can't be in a serious relationship without getting scared I'll be hurt again and he's the reason I'm a wedding planner. He's the reason I put so much time into Ever After, that I became some sort of crazed workaholic because it hurts whenever I stop working. I give myself space to breathe and he fills it up again. I'm tired of him, of what he's done and how I loved him. I'm sick and tired of love. I need to get out. Of... all of this. I turn around and that's bits of him and this is why I'm still not over him, done with him because he's right here.
But then should I give up everything I've worked for because of him? I've worked so hard for my business and it's my life. I've put everything into it, I didn't ask my family for a dollar but it's saturated in everything I can't deal with. I make people happy on a daily basis but I can't do that for myself. Not really.
I hate boys.[/block]
I have bruises on my bum and I need a drink.
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